Goodbye Grandma...you will live in my heart forever...

Back from a horrible 6 days which started from 13 September 2005. My beloved grandma has left us for good, after a hard fight with the viruses which attacked her body about 3 months ago.

I'm glad I got to see her for the last time before she passed away. I touched her forehead and her hands and her feet, anywhere I could reach and told her who I am and said she is very tired already, she must rest now. We will miss her but will never forget her. She went away peacefully when her oxygen levels dropped and her heart stopped. So peacefully we all didn't even realise she had stopped breathing. My only consolation about her leaving was that she left peacefully and she no longer has to suffer in the hospital anymore. No more feeding tubes into her stomach, no more frequent sucking of her phelgm, injections, medications.

The family decided to let her have a Christian funeral because it is simpler and also because my grandpa was buried a Christian. They were going to exhume my grandpa and cremate him then put him next to my grandma at Mandai Columbarian.

After that decision was made, it was a mad and crazy next few days. A lot of sadness, tension and numerous tasks to do. The wake was held at my eldest uncle's place in Pandan Gardens. That was where my grandma used to live before she came to live with my family. It was where I spent most of my childhood too. My parents used to live a few blocks away and when they were away at work, I was at my uncle's place because my grandma looked after me. Going back there brought back so many memories of me and grandma. How she brought me to and fro school, out shopping, out to the market, how she fed me, bathed me, clothed me, nursed me when I was sick. My grandma is the sweetest person I have ever known, she will give you her last dollar if you need it. Generous and giving towards everyone every single day of her life. She's a hard act to follow but I will try. So that she can see from heaven and be proud of this granddaughter.

During the wake over 5 days, I saw a lot of things. I began to see with my own eyes who really loved my grandma. As with every big family, there are sure to be problems. But to me, nothing is more important than giving my grandma a nice, dignified and peaceful sending off. However, during the 5 days, I encountered a lot of arguing, mistrust, fire-starters, fakers, disrespectful and totally selfish behaviour from people I'm ashamed to acknowledge as my relatives. I won't say anything more except what goes around will most definitely come around, so if you are going to behave in such a way, be prepared to be alone when something happens to you, I sure as hell won't be there for you. Enough said.

It's difficult for my family to come to terms with grandma's passing. For me, I keep thinking it's all a dream, she's going to come back home with us. But we must face reality...life must go on. It's the only way she would have wanted it. My family were lucky to be able to be with her everyday since she came to live with us. I cherish every moment of that.

It's back to work tomorrow, I hope I manage to make it to work. Lack of sleep and all that emotional stress is starting to get to me now.